29 January 2016

I fell in Love with Early Japan

I have been aware of Japan for a while, mostly for the new romantic-dandy looks of David Sylvian, appealing to the more new-wave goths among us.

Boris, however, was more busy admiring their insane bass player, Mick Karn, which gave so much to their music from his funk-Greek playing influences.

Then Boris told me they began as a glam rock band, and that´s where things really took a turn...

Before the shoulder padded suits came in, in the 70s Japan were a wannabe New York Dolls band; David Sylvian played guitar and sang a lot higher than he would later on in the 80s; their music was a lot cheekier and rockier and their dresscode and hairstyles made the perfection you now see above you.

And omg, this video:

Everything about this video is what I want to hear, see, play, have and be....

Eyecandy aside, the song kicks ass, and from a bassist´s point of view Mick Karn is a god. Now I want to be like him more than ever. Not even mentioning Sylvian´s sex appeal here, not at all...

Then Boris told me he wants to have blonde hair, and I told him I want to have orange hair again, wear loose button up shirts and thin scarves... life will never be the same again now.

another amazing song, and Sylvian kind of sounds like Kurt Cobain?!

Happy fangirling!


Jelly Sandals to piss off Trad Goths

What do I do when it´s almost February? Shop for Summer shoes of course! Cause Summer is obviously around the corner...

I figured that jelly sandals would fit me well since I don´t wear sandals and always wear socks. It would be nice to show off some interesting sock patterns. I bought mine at Boohoo.com.

They turned out to be very comfortable and just like I expected - completely ridiculous looking. The only down side of them it that they tend to damp from the inside when you wear socks, as noticeable on the photo above. I tried them without socks and it was fine. Guess I´ll have to wear white socks then. But for their price I don´t mind I guess.

Are you secretly getting ready for summer too?


24 January 2016

When Goth Fails You

An inspirational post mainly for myself in order to find solace in things that do not fall into the Goth umbrella term.
For years I have been swimming in the black goth pool trying to find myself and feel comfortable with who I am and what I want; what I want to surround myself with, what I want to listen to and be a part of, etc etc...
Yet (ironically) with the richness of the subculture in Berlin I found that I have drained it for myself and am now yearning for something new - something different that will make me feel individual and unique, without necessarily closing myself in a black velvet box and putting a sticker that says "goth" on it.
I have been enjoying it for a long time, but it is time to go forward.

I personally think that this change occurred because of 2 things:

  1. Boris and I got into the queer scene.
  2. Making music together has made me realize that playing it live will include little to no goth-related events/ crowd.
So here are some things where I feel a part of, that are not gothically inclined.
These things include bands, scenes, clothes and everything else which constructs one´s environment.

Garage, Indie, Grunge, Noiserock

And generally noisy lo-fi guitar music that can easily be dark or light. I am sick of darkwave, modern witch house and similar, I want to kill the people that make it. Needless to say that there is so much to guitar music than post punk, which in its broad interpretations can be as monotone and boring or as avant-garde as you would like it to be (or to make!).

The Queer Community

I found that in so many queer bars and parties Boris and I could be ourselves without being started at, without feeling threatened, while being surrounded by nice people who would be labeled outsiders by everyone else. The events we love to go to feature 80s, post punk and wave music and it´s simply a delight. Sometimes a bit of pop and a Drag Show can lift your spirits up as well. It´s a nice way to meet like-minded people outside of your usual goth circle, and to be welcome as you are. 


Mainstream Fashion

How can you feel special when you are dressed like everybody else? By taking bits and pieces of styles, toning them down and combining them with mainstream clothes. Why? Because less is more, and you know you are unique enough on the inside. Also, as my teenage self once told me- dress in a way that people will not know what music you listen to.

pictures found on Pinterest

Do you have inspiring things outside the goth spectrum?


20 January 2016

Music I shouldn´t listen to

Unlike my way of describing things, especially in this blog, I take the music I listen to very seriously. So seriously in fact, that sometimes a bit of moodiness in a tune can send me into a long ride to the darkest corners of my mind. I have been in those before, and it turned out to be a place very difficult getting out of. I never want to visit there again, and unfortunately there is music out there which can suck me into that dark pit and make the decision of abruptly leaving this world seem very easy and welcoming.
And we all know the most beautiful music out there is in minor key...

So here is the bands/ artists that melt, clinch, chew, spit out and destroy my otherwise chilly, sarcastic little heart.


This beautiful Ukranian folk inspired band is an entire world of dreams, melancholia and nostalgia for anyone. Too bad their music makes me so emotional I cannot listen to more than one song. I tried making my mother listen to them too because I knew she would appreciate the beautiful harmonies, but she couldn´t stomach half a song without getting teary eyes either. Their touchy lyrics don´t make it easier.
Try not to become an emotional wreck after these songs:

The Beatles

For a long time I was uneducated when it came to these dinosaurs. I was very unfortunate when I did, because aside from happier songs it meant I couldn´t listen to The Beatles´ more powerful creations, which I will list bellow. I did enjoy the Lonely Heart´s Club album which was mostly in good fun, but my heart aches when it comes to the following:

Asaf Avidan & The Mojos

Some of you might know Asaf Avidan from his solo career, aka this song. But before he gained world recognition (as he should have, he´s insanely talented) Asaf was crowned "the Israeli Janis Joplin" and had an amazing blues rock band with him. Boris and I were fortunate enough to see him live in our teens. Back then I found his music a lot more emotional and powerful than the stuff he does now.
And I guess this is why I cannot listen to his earlier stuff. It´s not only Janis in there, it´s my youth.


Well, I think this needs no explanation. Nope - no heart wrenching Beth Gibbons vocals for me; no vintage styled beats to crack the earth beneath my feet; no depressing lyrics to hate myself even more; no trip-hop groove to make it all seem easy. Nope. The only excuse for me to listen to Portishead is the otherwise sexual arousal you experience from their amazing music. But if we are about to step inside our coffins here, there you go:

This is as much as my mental health can take for now. Do you have music you try to stay away from?


17 January 2016

The Struggle Of Being Mixed Race - discussion video

The other day I encountered this video
made by Buzzfeed called The Struggle Of Being Mixed Race, where mixed race
people talk about the struggle of being who they are.

The individuals in the video mainly talk about how difficult it is for them to feel belonged in different communities based on the fact that they are more than one ethnicity. By being mixed race, they don´t feel fitting in an "all white community", as well as an exclusively "mono-racial" community.
They say things like "people talk to me in Spanish on the street just because I look Hispanic" or "people never got my ethnicity right".

Now, I don´t know at which population they have directed this video, but it only inspired contradiction in me.

As you may know, I come from a Russian speaking household but was born in Uzbekistan. My heritage is in fact mostly Ukranian, but my grandfather is Uzbek, which makes my facial features very Eurasian. On top of that I grew up in Israel where the majority of the population is Hebrew speaking, but where many people of the Russian ethnicity can be found as well.

And to be honest with you, I find the video complete bullshit. In fact it astonished me how such a fascinating feature like a mixed race can cause people such discomfort, confusion and disconnection.

Because of course you would feel all those when you are mixed race!!! What do you expect?  But at the same time, why do these people have such an anxious need to find their place in a community based on race when they grew up in America, a country where everyone is mixed anyway.

From an outsider´s perspective, is does look like the US has this weird racial separation, from "white neighborhoods" to "black colleges" and to be honest it freaks me out. But despite the difference, aren´t people aware that most of the American population is mixed race, and that´s pretty much what a country of immigrants is all about? I am putting the hatred and racism aside here, I am just raising an eyebrow that after all this, you still are "struggling" because you are identifying "mixed race"
just by the way you look on the outside? 
There is much, much more to being mixed race than your looks. Those individuals are English speakers, and they feel isolated because of their facial features?

Well, let me tell you something about how I identify being mixed race:

During my life in Israel I always saw myself as different from others, and it all came down not to how I looked but rather the language and mentality I had at home. At home we spoke Russian, we had a Russian mentality, Russian tradition etc. With the passing years, my parents knew Hebrew better and their socialization within the Israeli community grew deeper, so when my little brother was born things began to change.
But when I was little I was well aware that the things we have at home are different than what is outside. Outside we are Israelis, at home we are Russian. And that was damn ok with me.

Moreover, being mixed race for me meant talking to my Ukranian grandmother and  Uzbek grandfather on the phone every couple of months and still hear him stumble with his Russian after all these years and finding it adorable.
Being mixed race meant trips to Uzbekistan every 3-4 years to see a bunch of relatives I had difficulty identifying with not only because they claimed to know me since I was -this- little while I had zero recollection of that, but also because they all were of Uzbek ethnicity, looked different, talked different (in broken Russian of course), lived different etc etc. And after a month enduring that I would come back to Israel living the usual dual-mentality at home and outside.

And don´t let me get started on how the Israeli culture pretends to acknowledge the Russian (or any other) community, how my (and mostly Boris´) last name can never be pronounced correctly and how people assume things about me based on stereotypes regarding my racial and lingual heritage. But this perhaps is one of the few things which are comparable to the "racial struggle" described in the video.

So this in a nutshell is what being mixed race means to me. It is in fact not a question of race at all, but of mentality, tradition, socialization and most of all: language. In my case, looks make very little of that. But for the record, I don´t look Jewish either (cause I´m not lol). And that is another story for another post.

Are you mixed race? Do you know people who face "mixed race struggles"? What did you think of the video?


And don´t get me started on how I am damn happy to have all the above a part of me. Which is another veeeery long post for another time.

12 January 2016

Recent Obsession- Bralettes

Just a casual post for me to cope with David Bowie´s death, nothing unusual here...

I know I am probably the last person to catch up on this trend, but last year I have discovered the joy of not wearing a bra, adorning your body and wearing a bra at the same time: the bralette,

I came across one in H&M whilst I was yet again supporting the corporation on their successful third world country exploitation. And I just couldn´t resist myself. With the bralette, I mean.

I know this would not be a solution for the bustier of people out there, but it worked for me, so that´s why I am writing about it. It´s prettier than a sports bra and has no traces of the torture of wearing a normal bra. I am even happy to wear it at home sometimes.

I suppose this would work well with see through outfits for that nu goth look. I have worn mine in this somewhat 80s look:

And that would be the only picture of myself in a bra for this post. Who do you think I am?
More gothier versions found online:

It works if you´re into the witchy looks, the bondage stuff or just love pretty lacy things. There are tutorials out there for making one yourself, good luck.

Here is a possible outfit, one of millions that I found on Pinterest. I was never into the whole Polyvore thing, so this outfit is not a representation of me (just disclaiming here to not give you false expectations on how people should or should not dress).


5 January 2016

My First Time Tag

I know it´s a youtube tag, but I thought it could be nice to do it here, as a nice start-of-the-year post (you won´t be getting any resolutions from me).

1. FIRST Youtube video you ever watched?
I discovered youtube pretty late, I think it was 2006, my last year in junior high. I remember the 2 first videos I ever watched: Pokemon theme song lipsync by Smosh (uploaded in 2005) and How To Be Emo (uploaded 9 years ago??)

2. FIRST person you subscribed to on YouTube?
Probably the Russian version of Ray William Johnson´s =3, This is Horosho. Boris and I are huge fans since 4 years.

3. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? 
Yes, in fact I married it: 

4. FIRST kiss?
A "boyfriend" I had when I was in 6th grade. It was weird.

5. FIRST alcoholic drink? 
My dad must have let me taste a few beers during dinner when I was a kid. I hated it back then, and even had a straight edge phase when I was 15. And look where I am now.

6. FIRST car?
Never had, never will have. The idea of owning something that could unconsciously bring me to ending someone´s/ my own life is terrifying. 

7. FIRST job? 
Technically, my first job was playing in baroque ensembles my recorder teacher organized. We played in festivals here and there in Isarel and I got paid for it. It was great.
First shitty job- at a retail outlet store.

8. FIRST pet?
The family dog, which died last year.

9. FIRST celebrity crush?
I was about to say Johnny Depp, but when I really think about it the first ever "celebrity" persona I had a crush on was Lola Bunny. I wanted to be her (also, Space Jam is life).

10. FIRST real boyfriend?
Became my husband.

11. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
A neighbor, in fact the drummer of our band, wishing us happy New Year cause she´s away.

12. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? 
I don´t remember and don´t want to know. First grade was chaotic: I was brought to Israel and had to start the year from November, knew no Hebrew and the class was very loud and I was bullied.

13. Where was your FIRST sleepover? 
Relative´s place? I didn´t do sleepovers when I was little, I didn´t really have that kind of friends.

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? 
Went to the bathroom.

15. FIRST concert you ever went to? 
Aside from all the baroque music concerts I was attending, first "none classical music gig" was by Peter Hammil, performing his own songs and songs by Van Der Graaf Generator (one of the greatest prog rock bands). It was amazing, and we were the youngest there (16-17).

16. FIRST broken bone? 
Luckily none yet.

17. FIRST movie you remember seeing?
The Terminator, dubbed over in Russian with a nosy voice. It was cvlt then as it is now.

18. FIRST sport you were involved in?
Gymnastics at elementary school, and I sucked. I am not flexible.

19. FIRST tweet?
I do not see the point of that website.

20. FIRST Facebook profile pic?
It´s an edit I made on my Sony Ericsson phone of a picture from my first ever makeup experiment. I thought it was goth, and someone commented on FB that I looked like Christiane F. And now I´m in Berlin lol.
There you go:

21. FIRST piercing? 
My ear lobes, when I was in 5th grade. My best friend has done it, and I had to as well.

Aside from those questions, what "first time" did you think about when you saw this tag?


3 January 2016

UPDATE- Music blog in English!

Dear readers, I have recently created a new blog about the underground scene in Berlin/ Europe. However, it´s in Hebrew and is directed to update the Israeli readers out there in scene related happenings.
Meanwhile, have a happy new year :)

UPDATE 23.01.2016:

5 posts into the blog and I realized I wanted to write it in English regardless, to save the frustration of finding info about bands in a foreign language.
URL + blog name have been changed. Click on the banner below: