29 December 2013

Happy New Year / Hair!

Since I come from a Russian family where Christmas has absolutely no meaning and the new year is like the biggest holiday ever, you can imagine my level of ignorance towards the passed jolly holiday. The next 2 final days of 2013 are going to be very festive for me however, so I thought I´d share some of my resolutions here with you.

We didn´t really have a tree this year, because we are going to eventually move this year, and there´s nothing more uncomfortable having a new year´s tree in a none-permanent house... but I´ve collected some fir twigs from the forest nearby and set them in a bouquet on my altar, with some additional cones. It looks lovely with red candles.

This year has been more than crays. I´ve got so many life changing things done!!! In January Boris and I have made our dream come true and moved from Israel to Berlin. We´ve gone from different horrible apartments/ flat sharing until we found a sort-of permanent flat share in Summer. We´ve also managed to pimp out German so well that we´ve even got into University this Autumn! I still can´t believe I am officially a student, I thought I wasn´t too bright for studying, but I´ve proved myself wrong.
We´ve also made such good friends over this year, friends that felt more close to us than (almost) all the people in Israel we´ve ever met, friends that introduced us to interesting music and the many different people around us, people the made the gothic scene here alive.
We were happy to create here. Boris finally managed to record his songs and began making concerts, and I was more than happy to help him build a concept for his project, to kick his ass when he needed it, cheer him up and encourage him to do whatever the hell his heart wishes to do no matter what.
I´ve had lots of fun DIY-ing this year, from clothes to making photoshoots with beautiful people, to band logos and dying my hair.

Speaking of which, behold the Christmas miracle. I went from blonde to ginger!


Kinda forgot to make this "face of the day" post, hehe.


Had fun photoshopping myself just like I used to do when I was 14. I felt so glamorous!
 The camera shows the color variously. Let´s just say it´s more of a bright orange color, which sometimes glows like neon orange in the sun! I dyed it with Henna, which was the best hair dying in ma life!!! More detailed info on that in a different post, including the reason I´ve decided to change the awesome blonde. I am more than happy from the result, I´ve always wanted ginger hair and it looks so wicked!

This year was very very hard on top of everything. All those cool adventures in this new world of Berlin forced us to go through a ton of difficult adjustments, uncertain times and constant hard work. I´ve lost my confidence and faith in myself a couple of times, but with Boris´ help I was happy again to go through everything, because eventually the stuff that was happening which I´ve called suffering, have made us both stronger and proud of ourselves for not giving up, going for our dreams and staying awesome.

Fun Fact: Whenever it new year time, I sit down one evening to read the horoscope prognosis for me and for Boris. Call me old fashioned, but my mother used to do this and whenever she read mine on some occasional female oriented Russian website, they were always right. ALWAYS. I am really excited about this year, because the horoscope was particularly curious.
Of course I do not blindly believe that what I read will take place, but it´s just more fun like that :)

This year my blog got recognition more than ever, I have over 70 followers and I am so so thankful for that!!! So I want to thank you guys for being here and subscribing, checking out my silly sarcastic nonsense and my angsty photography.
I really appreciate you checking my stuff out, because it really means the world to me. Heck, being recognized by other people is an individual soul´s little orgasm! So thanks you so so much for being here.

I wish you all an amazing new year, that all you´re plans and goals will come true, that you will always have the strength to work on and achieve your biggest wishes. And that you will always be your gothy selves, alive and kicking, and never ever ever have a doubt about yourself and what you do! You are all beautiful and special.
And remember- the way you´ll great the new year, that´s how it shall be! ;)
See you all next year!

My fav new year song.

N. Finsternis

25 December 2013

My 2013 in Music

I have postponed it long enough, it´s time to sit down and write this!
This traditional yearly music post is something I´ve carried on since the days of my former Israeli Blog. Now I have to put all my insane music experience from this year and sum it up to 5/6 bands.

Speaking of which, this year was insane in many many ways. I would like to dedicate a post to that matter, as there would probably be a shit ton of things to say and to mention (I´m a big lover of new year resolutions) so lets focus on music only this time.
I can´t even begin to describe how many new and interesting bands I´ve discovered/ met this year!!! Old and new, live and recorded, this year was probably more about music than anything....

So I shall try my best to bring up here the bands that I´ve happened to experience in many mediums, such as in concert, personally and through the mp3 format....


Would have been pretty weird not to mention the band that I first saw live in Berlin, who I´ve photographed so many times and through them found another direction to my photography style. The band from which I´ve made my first best friends in Berlin, who were such lovely company at all times, who made me feel so happy about moving to Berlin, enjoying the scene here, and realizing that I´ve never had such an experience of togetherness in my life. Live concerts were always a lot of fun, and much memorable.
By the way, the band has released a recording of their new material! Check it out!


Утро - Utro

Probably my most favorite russian band in the world, I´ve discovered them thanks to Marta (picture above) along with many many good other bands. I´ve probably poked every living thing with this band, and the way I love their music would be described by other people as "totally exaggerated". But that stupid demo, recorded probably in the bathroom with over-the-top reverb on every single guitar string made me want to listen to them endlessly, and feeling so badass to their music I dreamed about making a cover band just to play those 4 songs.... If you don´t know about this band you probably shouldn´t tell me, because that would cause major brainwashing from my side about how great they are...


The Laughing Mothers

Moving along to another unknown band which has 2 songs only, The Laughing Mothers were a huge inspiration for me. And each time I´ve listened to those 2 songs I´ve asked myself how come I could be satisfied only by them, how come I didn´t crave for more music from this band, how come only 2 songs were enough? Yet this is the thing with unknown goth bands, it´s when you understand through their music why they´ve remained unknown. So I saw it very positively for this band to have only 2 songs. 2 songs that have been playing on my ipod for the entire year.


OK So I have 2 most favorite russian bands. Next to Утро one of the bands I obsessively listened to this year are Scofferlane. Unfortunately not very active lately, this one modern band has such a varied musical style! I found Nick Cave, The Birthday Party and Psychedelic stuff creeping in some songs, and the energy, and general sexyness of the singer has made this band one of my favorite modern bands!! I am dying to see them live one day and take pictures of course..


Metro Decay

How can I not mention here one of my favorite bands (I think I am repeating myself with this one...). As said above with Утро, I have the same love affair with this amazing greek post punk band. They have inspired me so much over this year, that I have even made a fan video for the first time in my life! If you are not familiar with this band, beware of me, let´s put it that way. I can´t really put my love for their music into words, and again, when saying "music" I mean those 2/3 songs from their only album that I´m constantly listening to. Somehow those songs have something very secret in them, which makes me remember about very old times when I haven´t even existed. Have I mentioned it is hard to put my feelings into words with this one?

my fan video!


And Also The Trees

At nostalgic times and in a romantic mood, I´ve listened to them quite a lot. And Also The Trees are indeed one of my favorite post punk bands, they have something very mysterious to them which makes me want to discover well known songs again and again. Be it their folk influences or the poetic lyrics, I just love the special atmosphere they give everything when I listen to them. I would have to use the word nostalgic here again, because this is exactly what they are for me. In general I am very happy to know this band, they make me feel complete.


I would have to stop here, since the above were my main music nurture. Other old and modern bands that I´ve discovered this year such as The Bellicose Minds (whom I was so happy to see live and photograph), Paralisis Permanente, 13th Chime and Lebanon Hannover (pics from gig here) have accompanied me through this really intense year.
Luckily, and leaving Israel behind had it´s fair share in it, this year I´ve put all the EBM and Aggrotech music behind. Stuff that I´ve used to listen to at parties back in Israel were irrelevant to me this year, because it was all about guitar music all year round, which I am very happy for.
I have no included Boris´ The Wings Of Desire in this list, because he´s there with me all the time anyway. Yet news about that are soon to come.

I am so excited to have discovered so many interesting bands this year, this time not by lurking through youtube all by myself but thanks to friends! I am looking forward to see and hear more bands next year!

Tell me what was your 2013 like in music! You can make a post about it, that can be awesome!
I wish you all a happy Christmas/ Winter Solstice!

N. Finsternis

16 December 2013

The Wings Of Desire Logo

Thank you guys for your warm comments on the previously unintended self pity post. I usually don´t share overly emotional stuff like that online (not anymore) in fear of proving that all sarcastic people are very miserable inside.
Yet please don´t see it as if living in Berlin is a torture for me. It is quite the opposite, but getting what you want in life can sometimes be a total ass.

But anyway, I´ve wanted to share this logo I made for Boris´ post punk project, The Wings Of Desire.

It all started thanks to a spontaneous brainstorming at a pub, after an idea for a logo for Monowelt (my beloved friend´s Marta Cold Wave band) came up. We´ve continued to ramble about it until I found myself sitting for hours at home bringing my best Paint and Picasa skills into action.
We´ve also discussed with Boris if the main idea for the logo fitted what he wanted, but since no other image came to our minds and went with the name of the band so well, we were very pleased to finally publish it on Facebook:

I won´t show you the original picture from which it was copied ;) but it was fun to make and I think the final result is simple, clear, not complicated enough to understand and will look awesome on a pin, which is another thing we´re planning to do.
We also had in mind to use this image as a template and spray it as graffiti on chick and youth popularized neighborhoods in the city. Still need to find the perfect plastic material for that project, and some nice paint. I´ve wanted to make graffiti since I was a kid, but really good and conceptual :P

I might go over on this again as I master photoshop a bit. I´m not completely satisfied with how the back and shoulders of the figure came out, but so far so good.

Fun Fact: making band logos and all that cool visual shit was NEVER something that was good nor easy for me. I was never of these people who could fart out a concert and it would have been perfectly catchy. If I would to think of an idea, say, a visual representative of something, it would have taken me days of frustration to come up with something. I´m so happy that this burst of creativity make me create something so useful. And if it´s something I passionately love doing, is to help Boris promote and represent The Wings Of Desire.

Have a great week everyone! Christmas is just around the corner! (surprisingly aware of this because I do not live in a Jewish country anymore. lol).

N. Finsternis

13 December 2013


I hate to live how I live now.
I sometimes think that I have the most troubles in this world, and before I can finally get what I want I must suffer and eat shit. I think that as more shit you eat in life the better, but it sometimes feels like I will never get what I want, I will have to work hard, never rest, and hope that one day I will be pleased.
I really hate to live the way I do now. I hate most than anything to live in a flat share, but unfortunately it is the only way of living I can allow myself right now out of many reasons. I despise living with other people, especially with other idiotic men. I've never though that living with men would be such trouble for me.
I hate to suffer inside and pity myself, I never seem to have the strength to fight it, and think that the world is against me, and it makes me suffer even more, no matter which obstacles I have overcome.

I love living in Berlin, I love making my dreams come true with my bare hands, with my own will. I've never thought I will be so strong to move here, all thanks to Boris.
But sometimes I think of dying again, like I used to when I was a teen, and that I would be a huge relief to me to know that I can die in peace and willingly, without having this need to fight on.
Somehow when it comes to making my dreams come true and achieving my goals, it is only in a way of fighting that it can be done. Only through suffering, pain, disappointments and tiredness.
It is sometimes not worth it, sometimes I think that it's all well how I did until now, I can rest, I need to more. I have achieved enough and I can be proud of it, and go out of this world in peace. I think it is one of many wishes I wish to do one day.

 I really really hate to live the way I do right now. I am ashamed not to own my own apartment, not to have my own furniture. I always tell myself not to repeat my parents' mistakes. I sometimes wish not to live at all.

Sorry for this post, I felt like crying I had to let it out.

10 December 2013

Cross Accessories Collection + New Shoes!

Finally had time to take pictures of all my cross necklaces and earrings put together.

A couple of these crosses were shown in "The Symbols That I Wear" post.
All of the crosses are not silver, and each has costed me less than 2 euros.

This is the latest add to the collection, a really awesome cross that I accidentally found at a mall in a store called Null Karrat, a sort of very expensive do it yourself jewelry store. The cross however was only 1 euro. It has a really cool acrylic eye in the middle. Looks really crazy!
Also, the 2 earrings above it are new as well. They were sold as a pair and I actually have 2 of these, because I've wanted small cross earrings to put in my third ear piercing and ended buying 2. The long one I haven't wore yet.

Fun fact: I would have never wore nor own so many crosses back in Israel. Because you see, everything in Israel is super religion related, Jewish religion related in particular. Among the very few Christians in Israel (which belong almost entirely to various ethnic minorities) it is very odd for someone who is not Christian, and especially a young man/ teenager, to wear crosses. That's why all the cross trend wasn't so popular there, at least as I remember a year ago (!) before leaving. That's why the only cross accessory I wore in Israel was my cross earring which I've made (laying to the right of the eye-cross in the big picture).
I'm very pleased that I can find endless, and most importantly- cheap crosses here in Germany.

And now, shoooz!

Purchased these today, also found by accident. I wasn't even going to buy shoes until I saw these.
I actually brought almost exact shoes with me from Israel, but they didn't survive the winter and were too cold to wear. I really hope these would serve me well, because it's the exact kind of shoes I was missing!!!

Hopefully some outfits will come soon!

N. Finsternis

9 December 2013

Recent Pinterest Inspirations

From lack of time for quality post, I'm sharing some pins with you today.
I wasn't to fond of Pinterest the first time I've discovered about it, but in comparison to Tumblr I've found the website to be a very good reminder on different things/ projects/ ideas I am interested in at the same time, something you cannot do with Tumblr, or rather it is not as organized and separated there.
So here are a few:

DIY projects ideas:

Don't know the origin of the design, but I would love to make this kind of shirt to wear with my punk vest and with a short skirt. Love the ideas of the fringes being longer than the skirt.

Absolutely have to try this one! I happen to have little silver crosses [with Jesus on them] that I can sew on. I don't wear collar shirts though, guess I fancy the idea a lot.

Again with the collar shirt tricks. This looks great and can also go well with a black shirt. Yet again, button up shirts are my least favorite thing to wear...

Makeup & Hair Inspiration:

I've been 90's curious for quite a while. Most of my inspiration was drawn from Gwen Stefani's makeup. I just love the silver dots with black eyeliner, something I have been doing a couple of times, but the dots over the eyebrows are just great! 

Having long blonde locks has been a crave for a few good months now. But as I always inflict haircuts upon myself in order to grow my hair again, I must bare the consequences of hair dying and be patient like I know I would...

And last but not least:

Brett Anderson. Because why not?

So far so good. As soon as I'd have more time on my hands I would make a cross collection post or maybe a lipstick collection post [been wanting to do that for a while].
Until then it's University for me and really really dark wintery days. Which reminds me about a new year resolution post that I should definitely do!

N. Finsternis

6 December 2013

Quick outfit post

What I wore to last week's concert.

The cream colored shirt is a really old piece of clothing that I have, being sent to me by my lovely mother from Israel, along with other useful old clothes. I haven't worn this shirt since a couple of good years, and I was surprised how well it served me with this outfit. I took off the heart patterned shirt during the concert, but forgot to take a picture.

It looks like I have circle lenses in my eyes, but it was the result of the camera flash. I'm not that of a masochist to wear lenses :)

Boris has agreed to post this really nice picture that I took during one of the last songs. I love so much the way it turned out!

This shall perhaps be one of the last hair posts of me with a fringe! Today I've had enough [another hair crisis freakout] and made myself a side fringe! I will show pictures as soon as I dye my roots again! :)

Until then, stay warm!

N. Finsternis

5 December 2013

The Wings Of Desire + Gruftschlampen concert

I had a pretty busy week, and completely forgot to share here the photos from last weekend.
Boris had another concert with The Wings Of Desire, this time with our lovely friends Brita and Kokel of the Gruftschlampen.
The night was just great, both bands played very well, the music was awesome but most importantly- the atmosphere was very personal and warm, thanks to the people of course :)
Unlike my previous dismay from society mention after the first The Wings Of Desire gig, this concert was very positive, kicking and powerful. I literary wanted more after the bands finished playing.
I also put my small share in decorating the place using wool to make it look like spiderwebs. The organizer of the event was so stoked about it he helped me a lot, what made it look perfect :)

Here are some pics:

The batcave spiderweb! Wasn't too seen in other photos since it was too dark.


Boris only decided to post a few pictures for now, and save the most for later on.
I've also made a video of one of his songs! It was unfortunately too dark to have a descent video recording, so I've edited it a bit so one could actually see more than just a black screen:

Please do check the bands on Facebook! Your support is what makes us alive :)
Other fun photos and outfit of that night will follow!
Have a calm weekend everyone!

N. Finsternis